just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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