Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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