I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize