Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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