he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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