Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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