My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I love having hate sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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