My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize