Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize