Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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