i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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