literally had 100 drinks last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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