My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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