i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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