I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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