So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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