there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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