Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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