That's intense
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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