after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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