she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to be your penis for a week.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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