WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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