I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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