Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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