I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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