Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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