And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
worst night to have a conscience
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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