saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize