Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Randomize