Got a toothbrush?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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