just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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