Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize