Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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