FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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