Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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