I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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