I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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