Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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