do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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