Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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