If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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