"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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