i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
be right there i have to get my cape
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize