he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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