btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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