I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize