You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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