he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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