Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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