Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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